tül (6dk.)

Tülden bir ruhu vardı aslında. Katı hiçbir şey göremezdin onda. Katı yağ ile yumurta  kırmadı. Asla bakkala gidip veresiye istemezdi. Sonra bakkal öldü. Cenazesine manav gelmedi. Salatalık çekti canım. Yeşil olsun ama içi gri olsun. Renkler ile kavgam var benim, siyahla savaşmam, siyah benim esasında. Acil servise getirdiler ve iğne yaptılar. Renkler yoktu orada. Kokular ve sesler vardı. Hemşirelerin burnu kanıyordu. Koku alamamaktan  kanıyordu. Bahar gelmişti ama onlar hala kıştaydılar. Kışın kaymak için kasırga beklerim ben. Kasırganın içinde kayarken çığlıklarımı kimse duymaz. Kaybolmaktan kokmam çünkü cipli saat aldım kendime. Her yerime cip taktırıcam. Ne yedim ne içtim tespit edildin. Analiz edilsin, keramet nededir bilinsin böylece. Sarıklı bir adam geldi akabinde. Cipi sarığında sanırım. İndirmiş tüm fıkıhları alim olmuş karşımızda. Sarığını aldım çöpe attım. Sistem çöktü bir anda. Tüm birikimi sarıktaymış meğerse. Ben de miferimin içindeki toprağı boşalttım. Çiçek ekerim diye koymuştum. Barış çiçeği olacaktı miferimde açacacak menekşeler. Ama kedi işemiş içine toprak çimento gibi olmuş. Kalan topraklarla beraber kafama yerleştirdim.

LOSING IS WINNING

In fact, one should not feel too much pressure on themselves in case they are losing. There are cases when losses become necessary. That is because at the moment when you are losing, your loss may serve as a reward or a  blessing for somebody else somewhere else. It is a virtue to let others get their own share, and the reward will definitely come afterwards. 

You do not want to lose what you have, you keep on fighting for it, despite the awareness that what you have in your hand is sliding through your fingers. In fact, you should let things go, let them grow less, and wait for the rewards to come right afterwards. Feel the lightness of accepting this as it is. 

This is an ability only possessed by those who do not believe to have gained what they have through luck. Those are the ones who do not have fear losing because they know how to gain it once they lose it.   

However, if a person has gained something only through their fortune, s/he will burn with the fear and anxiety of losing it. This is a test they need to go through. And this is the reason why they have been granted that gift, under the title of good luck. 

Those who do not fear losing are the ones who mostly win. Some people take it as a bluff, but they are wrong. Those who know themselves are the ones who walk towards a gunshot, just like an immortal being would do. They know that even if they are killed, they will resurrect, and whomever kills them will commit suicide out of despair. They will only stare, while the killer, that ignorant fool who dared do this to them, kills himself. Only ignorance would be an explanation to such boldness, anyway. 

Burning in wild flames and dazing the onlooker is rather impressive, but the impression created by those who are born again after being burnt down, after turning into ashes is much more amazing and long-lasting. Therefore, I never fear being burnt down. On the contrary, the ability to create myself once more out of my ashes gives me the chance to live more than one life in a lifetime. 

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